A private bedroom with a private bathroom has opened up inside our queer-friendly co-ed house in the 90304 area, conveniently close to LAX, Boeing, Raytheon, and Manhattan Beach.
Three working professionals currently reside here, so we expect you to be classy, not trashy.
We need someone who can pay the full rent amount by the 1st, no excuses because our Chinese landlord is very serious about it, and no installment payments—this isn't a car loan.
House rules:
- Clean up after yourself; your mom's not here to tidy up after you.
- Keep the music down; we're not hosting a rave unless you're eager for some neighborly ire.
- Cook without stinking up the house; season your seafood generously to mask the odor, then promptly dispose of the scraps.
- Dress appropriately in the common areas as this isn't Tinder.
And boys, keep your shirts on—no need for toxic masculinity vibes.
- Move your car when asked, or enjoy a costly visit from the tow truck.
- No smoking indoors, because not everyone in California likes the smell of marijuana (shocking).
- Sorry, no pets allowed; cute doesn't outweigh allergies.
- The House temp is locked in at a balmy 75 degrees; we're not trying to turn this place into an igloo.
Rent's $1,200, deposit's $600, and there's no room for negotiation.
The lease is month-to-month, and street parking is free.
However, if you're too lazy to walk to the complex, private parking is negotiable with an alternating schedule, so if you are willing to cooperate.
This is LA, so parking is scarce.
Utilities run about $65, but if you're cranking up the heat or AC like it's the Arctic or Sahara, expect that bill to reflect your wastefulness.
And internet? It's a bit pricier for all that work-from-home hustle and functional gaming addicts who have a job.
This means you need to have a full-time job or at least an official offer to be considered; we’ll ask for documents, otherwise, there’s the homeless shelter.
First, a video tour to make sure you're not crazy.
If that goes well, then you can come by in person.
Send an email with your work info and the move-in date, and it can't be a month from now since we're looking for this month.
Include something from this ad to prove you've paid attention; otherwise, it's straight to the trash bin.
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